


Getting Laid

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-01
Updated: 2002-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:08:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26536315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun.  This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think.  Even the best writers among us.  *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right?  And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking.  We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic.  I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful.  I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre.  If you mean you're, I want your.  Two,to and too can come and go at will.  Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them.  Whatever you do, DONT beta.  Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours.  Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you.  Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here.  These are really dreadful.  All are NC-17 for really bad taste.  If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere.Author's note: Okay, all the badfics I've read so far have been absolutely attrocious! Horrible! A complete disgrace! I've loved every minute of it. Everyone has done so well at making everyone else laugh that I just had to get in on the act. I hope someone out there giggles as much reading this as I did writing it.
Relationships: Alex Krycek/Fox Mulder/Dana Scully/Walter Skinner
Collections: TER/MA





	Getting Laid

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).  
> TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun. This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think. Even the best writers among us. *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right? And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking. We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic. I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful. I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre. If you mean you're, I want your. Two,to and too can come and go at will. Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them. Whatever you do, DONT beta. Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours. Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you. Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here. These are really dreadful. All are NC-17 for really bad taste. If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere.   
> Author's note: Okay, all the badfics I've read so far have been absolutely attrocious! Horrible! A complete disgrace! I've loved every minute of it. Everyone has done so well at making everyone else laugh that I just had to get in on the act. I hope someone out there giggles as much reading this as I did writing it.

  
**Getting Laid  
by Niffusa**

  
As the right cross landed against his jaw, Krycek suddenly became a little tired of the game he and Mulder had always played. This is how it went: Mulder would beat the crap out him, get himself (and Krycek) all hot and bothered, and then they'd fuck till the cows came home. "Time out!" 

"What?" Mulder stared down at him incredulously from his perch strataled on top of his victim. "I'm beating the crap out of you. You can't just call 'Time out!' and expect me to stop." 

Krycek smirked up at him, "Sure I can...those are the rules. When someone calls time out, all play stops. _Well, at least I got him to give his punching bag a rest._ You can't hit me again until I call time in." 

"Krycek, have you completely lost what's left of your mind! That's not the way it works. You can't call time out unless your touching home base." 

Alex reached up and molded his hand to the shape of the hammer-hard buldge in Mulder's pants. "Home base," he cooed softly, staring at his new found prey with blaten hunger. 

"But of course you know the rest of that rule...as soon as you let go of home base, all play resumes." The gllem in Mulder's eyes spoke volumes. Obviously, the game had changed. 

"You know, Mulder," Krycek said while stroking home base and making its owner arch harder into his touch, "we don't have to follow the same rules everytime we do this. Maybe, just this once, we can skip our usual foreplay and go straight to the main event." 

"Okay, Alex. Just this onece." Mulder's words came between baited breathes. Suddenly, he wraped a vice grip around Krycek's wrist and looked down at the fresh meat laid beneath him. "You aked for it, babycakes. LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLE!" 

With cat-like agility, Alex lifted his left leg till it wrapped around Mulder's waist from the front, and pulled down until he was finally seated on Mulder's chest facing his feet. As he undid he's lover's belt, opened the zipper, and pushed Fox's pants down around his knees. "Whaddya say to two out of three falls, Studpony." 

The length of Mulder's hot orgasm rod spang forth, like a stripper out of a cake. And just like that stripper, it was covered in icing just begging to be licked off. "Good lord, Mulder! Why does beating the crap out me always get you so horny?" Alex asked with real curiosity on his face. 

"I guess I'm just excited that I'm beating someone else's meat for a change," that said, Mulder thrust leaking love pipe into Krycek's waiting mouth. 

"OH GOD YES! Suck it baby—suck it all," Mulder screamed as the triple agent began working his lush, wet, rough and agile tongue around the cock in his mouth. Then without warning, let the dick drop out of his mouth with a pop. 

"Wait! What are you...Alex, baby, don't leave me like this!" Mulder began to plead as the blood engorging his manly drill bit began to throbb. 

"Don't worry, sugar tush, I'm gonna make you feel real good real soon," Alex replied with a wink. 

In the blink of an eye, they were both naked. 

Alex got down on all fours and started wriggling his ass in the general direction of the agent that had been reduced to whimpers because of his need for release. "Come and get it, you big hunk-a-man." 

Mulder pounced and imediately began to position himself at the entrance to Alex's tunnel of love, but stopped abbruptly. "Hold on. Don't we need lube? Don't I need to gently prepare your puckered star fish of love to accept my rock hard manpole?" 

"Nah," Alex replied, still wiggling his ass. "This fanfic author just wants us to get to the fucking, so don't keep her waiting or she'll get pissed and..." Before he could finish his sentence, the door behind them burst open with a slam (no pum intended). 

"SCULLY?????" Mulder exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" 

"The author sent me to help you get your asses in gear—so to speak." From her belt she unclasped a long bullwhip and cracked it once, twice three times—cause she was a lady. "Now get to it. Don't make me use this on you." 

The two scared and horney he-men found that they were suddenly more aroused by the prescence of a whipcracking woman, and immediately began to do what they were told. 

They fucked and fucked and fucked some more, until they were both completely exhusted and almost dehyderated. Scully approached them and handed them eack a PowerBar and a bottle of Gatorade. "What's this for?" Mulder asked still trying to catch his breathe from the last orgasm. 

"The author isn't finished with the two of you yet," she answered with a smile. "And when she's done, she's got a whole mess of friends waiting to take their turn with you." 

"What gives these author's the right to do stuff like this to us?" Krycek asking indignantly. 

"Shut up, you idiot!" Mulder answered as he elbowed his boytoy in the ribs. "If it wasn't for them none of us would EVER get any!" He finished off the rest of his Gadorade and rolled back over onto Kycek. "Now, love muffin, whaddya say we give the lady what she wants before..." Before he finished his sentence, the door flew open with a bang again. 

Looking up and seeing the face of Walter Skinner, Alex yelled, "Listen...just because they teach you how to kick in doors at the FBI, doesn't mean you have to do it ever time you enter a room!" 

"Shut up, Krycek! I'm sick of everyone around here getting laid except me!" He dropped his pants and stood behind Mulder. 

"Hey, wally, hold up a minute. I'm not getting any either. Wanna help a girl out?" Scully said as she smiled and batted her eyelashes at him. 

"What the hell," he answered moving away from the two men who went back to ohhhing and ahhhhing with each thrust of Mulder's pleasure pole into the velvet lined, fist like grip of Alex's ass. 

So they all fucked and fucked and fucked some more in various combinations and positions until all the fanfic writers of the world were satisfied and happy. 

* * *

Author: Alright, fine, whatever...NIFF ACCECPTS FULL RESPONCIBILITY FOR THE ATTROCITY YOU'RE ABOUT TO READ.   
WARNING: BADFIC AHEAD [no pun intended ;)> ]   
Author's note: Okay, all the badfics I've read so far have been absolutely attrocious! Horrible! A complete disgrace! I've loved every minute of it. Everyone has done so well at making everyone else laugh that I just had to get in on the act. I hope someone out there giggles as much reading this as I did writing it.   
---


End file.
